Rhonda Gets High

So we are all in our third month on the road. Brett now feels 3 days with the same boxers is ok, Vanessa feels baby wipes showers are the same as real showers, and I feel like getting high.

So that is exactly what I did.
There is nothing like getting high in the Rocky Mountains!

First I got high with the devil. Not the real devil. Devil’s Tower! In Wyoming. I was high as a kite at over 5,000 feet.
It felt good. I was relaxed. I swear I saw an entire field of prairie dogs, but I’m not sure. I was pretty high.

Getting High at Devil's Tower
Getting High at Devil’s Tower
Am I hallucinating or is that prairie dog trying to start some shit?
Am I hallucinating or is that prairie dog trying to start some shit?

Next, I wanted to get even higher so we headed further into the Rockies. All the way to Yellowstone National Park. Wow! I was over 8,500 feet up and I swear I couldn’t feel a thing. I was so damn high!
clouds and mts

the rockies

clouds and trees

It was like I was on another planet. I shit you not, it was like Mars. There was steam shooting out of the ground and volcanic activity everywhere. I know I was super high but I swear I’m telling the truth.

weird steam

weird stuff

old faithful

Was I just tripping out, or did I really just see a grizzly bear? WTF!!!

grizzly

I felt like I was coming down so I got a little higher. I probably should not have been driving because I’m pretty sure I almost ran a pack of buffaloes off the road.

buffalo in road

We left Yellowstone and headed to Glacier National Park in Montana. I was so high that Vanessa and Brett rented a car so I could come down at the campsite. The curves of that road would have been tough for me to handle in my elevated state.

side of road

road curve

Man, I need to come down.
Man, I need to come down.

However, from what they tell me and the pics they took, Glacier was a site to see.

glacier almost gone

valley with river

waterfall

glaciers

Looks like they were pretty high too.

nessa high

brett weird

We will still be in the Rockies for another week or so. Hope I don’t kill too many more brain cells.
I am just so freakin high!

Advertisements

I Like ‘Em Small

"Stop you two. This is a public place!"
“Stop you two. This is a public place!”

I know, I know what you’re thinking. How could someone as proud and strong as me go for someone so small??? Well, besides the fact I like to be in control, I’ve been on the road for over a month without any action. So when this sweet young van pulled up beside me I figured I’d cozy up and get some. And I was all ready to bump uglies until my two co-captains came bumbling out of the movie theater and interrupted what was going to be a very nice couple of minutes. I had just gotten my oil changed and was feeling fresh too!! Oh well, at least I know I can still get all lubed up despite my advanced age. Maybe I’ll get lucky at our next stop.

Hey Dummies, I’m 10’6″!

Well, just when I thought my two friends could not get any dumber…..

So, I am 10’6″ of pure woman. So, when we come to bridges that are under 10’6″ it is prudent to find a different route. That is, unless, your name is Brett Isaacson. You see, Brett seems to think he is an expert on how high things are because he works on a basketball court and he knows how high ten feet is because all b-ball hoops are ten feet tall.

So, brilliant Brett will simply jump up and if he can touch something with his fingers he knows its ten feet. That’s because he knows he can jump up and touch the rim on a basketball court (so maybe white men can jump, but they sure as shit ain’t smart). So, back to the story. Brett and his other brilliant friend David Assa decide to do the jump test at this bridge that says 10’1″. Brett does not come close to touching it and so he surmises it must be 11 feet tall, at least.

There’s definitely no chance it could be that Brett is getting old and maybe he can’t jump up to ten feet as easily as he used to.

So, with the jump test complete, my two captains decide it’s time to head under the bridge. And voila, we actually make it unscathed. Fast forward one week, and we are back in the same neighborhood but coming from the other direction. Well, Vanessa and Brett think: we made it under once, surely we will make it under the bridge again. Without doing the jump test from this side of the road they simply put the pedal to the metal and hurdle me forward.

Halfway under the bridge…BAM!!!

We all hear a loud screeching noise. I haven’t felt pain like that since my 1st time….driving. We luckily don’t get stuck and make it through. Vanessa was driving so she pulls over and Brett climbs onto my leaky roof (that’s a whole other story) and sees the damage.

image

The cover to the A.C. vent was cracked but luckily that is all. Hopefully these two numb nuts will learn. 10’6″ is greater than 10’1″ no matter how many jump tests you do.

Sayeed To The Rescue

Well folks, it has finally happened. My carpet got laid for the first time since 1997, and it does, indeed, match the drapes. I forgot what getting your carpet laid feels like. I feel like a brand new woman! Like I can go anywhere and do anything. Sayeed, the man who laid my carpet, was so gentle and it lasted just over two hours. Not gonna lie, it felt amazing! And now my carpet is so fresh and clean.

image

I am one lucky lady, and I can’t wait to show my carpet to anyone who wants to hop on board!

image

Does My Carpet Match The Drapes?

All I wanted was my carpet to be laid! My carpet stinks.

Old Carpet

I’m not gonna lie, I’m so embarrassed that I don’t even want anybody coming inside me anymore. My cousin Winnebago just had real hard wood floors placed inside her and she loves it!

This is a big trip for me. Any self respecting, classy lady wants to look and feel her best when it counts. I just got brand new curtains and all I want is my carpet to match the drapes.

new drapes

Is that really too much to ask?

So I found a guy online and had a date all set up for Monday at 8 a.m. sharp! And poor old Rhonda, I was stood up! He didn’t even call!!!! I would have probably given him another chance if his excuse was creative enough.

Now I still have dirty old carpet and because of the Fourth of July weekend, finding someone to lay it is proving difficult.:/

posted by another rant by Rhonda.

It’s Electric!

So what happens when my damn microwave stops working?

First, Vanessa and Brett both simultaneously freak the hell out! Poor Vanessa just downloaded the top 20 recipes to make in a microwave! How the hell is she supposed to make lasagna in a cup?

Then they find out that the electrical outlets are not working either.

Ummmmmm, WHAT THE EFF! Three weeks before take off and we have no electricity! After watching Vanessa and Brett try and figure out if I have a fuse problem, and seeing sparks fly out, they decided that maybe professionals should handle this. THANK GOD. Stay tuned….bwoogie woogie woogie!

This brought to you by another Rhonda Rant